Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Laugh or Cry

In need of a constipation remedy? I have one word for you. Pears. They're the new prunes. They will get the job done in under an hour. Though I must warn you of the fountain of poo that is likely to occur.

I'm not sure at what point this happened - somewhere around the 6 month mark I believe - but Nate's poo has transitioned from a mildly noticeable stench to a full-on, heaveworthy funkfest. Diapers so heinous that my nose hairs burn atrociously with one innocent whiff. So vile that I question whether they are actually the result of a natural bodily function. I cringe with every fart. And since he is his father's son, that's a lot of cringing. Seriously, my kid is the human equivalent of the whoopie cushion.

Gone are the days of the thin, runny 2-wipe poos. We now have thick, sticky, lava-like 4-wipe poos. Could it be that the every 3-4 day frequency of BM's is causing a backdraft of epic proportions? Or is the simple introduction of solids, no matter how meager the quantity, to blame for the foulest odor known to man?

I'm obviously not liking this change so much. Especially when my dear son decides to let loose just as I've removed the diaper from under his bottom. I tried desperately to clean up the mess, scrambling to pull wipes out of the plastic container. But just as the wipe broke free, more poo oozed out. I stared in amazement and disbelief, wipe in hand, but frozen and unable to move.

Never to leave a job unfinished, the little sprinkler decided to take this opportunity to urinate on said hand before the wipe could shield me from the spray. Thankfully, I have a strong stomach and my gag reflex is not overly sensitive or else I would have been cleaning up more than just the indescribable slop of waste on the changing table pad. My initial reaction of disgust quickly turned into an eruption of laughter.

Sometimes, you just have to laugh or you'll cry.

P.S. I bet you were really in the mood for TMI, weren't you?


Anonymous said...

Good to know about pears! Hate prunes, pears sound so much more enjoyable, except for the after effects naturally :)


Melissa said...

My daughter's poos have become incredibly disgusting as well - and she's not even on solids yet. There are days when I go through a half package of wipes plus five diapers in a matter of a few minutes. And I just *love* when they poo & pee as soon as the diaper comes off, making sure to cover your hands and the changing table in all sorts of bodily waste. So gross. Some days I'm just tempted to hose my daughter off - all the wipes in the world just can't get the job done. I dread introducing solids into my baby's diet. Blech.

Fertilized said...

oh yes! great laugh.

Elizabeth said...

It's the solids...
Oh yes.

Road Blocks and Roller Coasters said...

Solid poop sucks! And Lemy does the pooping with the diaper off thing too. At this rate it takes two of us to change a poopy diaper as one is always having to hold her while the other is catching poop or washing their hands. I need to get it on video--its quite comical! :)

Katie said...

Pears do the trick for us. So, actually, did the amoxicillin prescribed for his ear infection, though I certainly don't recommend that route.

Will's Daddy does have a strong gag reflex, so since the poos became stickalicious, I get the "pleasure" of all of the dirty changes.