Saturday, June 27, 2009

The Last Month

Update: I'm still a bit shaken up from our experience on Thursday. I am trying to focus on the positives - Nate is no worse for the wear and is not acting out of the ordinary. Thank God. But the thought that my carelessness could have led to something grave is overwhelming. So much so that I've been tempted to take my anti-anxiety medication to take the edge off. The only thing that has stopped me is that it's not exactly safe for breastfeeding and I refuse to end our nursing relationship due to these circumstances.

I've been slightly traumatized by the whole ordeal. I feel fragile. I am not perfect, nor will I ever be. But somehow I feel like I ought to be. For Nate's sake. I am my harshest critic and the hardest person for me to forgive is often myself. I just need time to get over the guilt and I'm confident that with each passing day, happiness will prevail.

Yesterday, Nate turned 11 months old. T minus 29 days until his big birthday. The supplies have been ordered and are en route to our address. Once those are received, I will send out the invitations, visit the bakery to order the cake(s) and finalize the menu. I have a few more decorations to purchase in the coming weeks and then it's just a matter of bringing the vision to life. My excitement is mounting as we grow closer to the big day. It goes without saying that I'm amazed by how much he has blossomed in such a short amount of time.

At 11 months, my little guy:

Walks all over the place - all by his lonesome! At this point, he prefers walking over crawling unless he is tired or lazy (like if he falls mid-walk and decides crawling is an easier method of transportation to his destination). I'd estimate we're at 75/25 ratio to walking and crawling. He can also crouch down to pick up a toy and stand back up to walk. All that jumping in his jumperoo has given him some seriously strong legs.

Is starting to wave bye-bye. Backwards, as if waving to himself. He's not consistent but I've seen him do it a few times when he thought he'd go under the radar. I guess he'd rather not go public just yet with this new skill.

Can say mama and dada to the correct parent. Dada still comes out more like "baba" which makes me second guess whether or not he associates the word with DH. But since he tends to say it when DH is around or to mimic what we say, I believe he really does. For some reason, he is having trouble enunciating "d" sounds. I'm not concerned yet but will talk to the pediatrician about it at his next visit. You know, just in case speech therapy is an order.

Can throw a temper tantrum fit for a 2-year old. Gone are the days of casually removing an object from his grasp. Something as simple as a piece of paper causes a gargantuan meltdown, complete with arching of the back, stomping and waterworks so marvelous I should charge people to view them. Seriously. This kind of acting is sure to garner an Academy Award.

Understands "no" and "come". Of course, comprehension does not equal obedience. Though he may stop and look at me when he hears the dreaded "n-word", my insubordinate son typically continues on with his destructive, dangerous or bothersome behavior until I physically remove him from the situation. Aforementioned temper tantrum sure to follow.

Can boogie. To the radio. To television theme songs. His moves resemble squatting exercises but it's ever so cute to watch. He can get his groove on to any beat but seems to dance mostly to hip-hop and pop. Oh, and his newly discovered favorite, Yo Gabba Gabba. (Am I the only one who feels like I'm tripping on acid when I watch that show?)

Is a picky eater. We are going through a bizarre food phase right now. He is refusing almost all purees, eating maybe 2-3 oz. at a sitting before putting his dukes up. But finger foods are hit or miss. Most end up thrown over the side of his highchair for the thrill of the plop or splatter. It's so hard to get anything in that belly of his besides Cheerios and breastmilk. I assume he will eat when he is hungry so I am just riding this out until it gets old. To him. It's already getting pretty old to me.

Is back to two naps per day. Hallelujah! After a rough week of limited naptime, and ergo cranky baby, I am ecstatic to report that we are back on track. I'm chalking it up to a growth spurt or perhaps teething. 1030am and 3pm are necessary downtimes in this house. Any deviation from this makes for an unhappy baby and Mommy.

Is still not sleeping through the night. Some nights we get 5+ hour stretches and other nights, only 2-3 hours. I am unsure of how to handle it but I think CIO may be involved, as much as I wish to avoid it. He is now trained to eat several times during the night - which I admit is my fault since I never reestablished sleep training when his reflux waned - but I'd like to try and cut back on the night feeds so he will eat more calories during the day. I'm okay with one, possibly two, night feeds but I know he is capable of sleeping through. We just have to figure out what method is best for all of us to get there.

I think that about sums it up. This is the last month I will have a "baby". In 29 days, I will have a "toddler". So I'm soaking up as much as I can.

ETA: Another "skill" I forgot to mention - opening and closing doors and cabinets. He's strategically figured out how to get into the pots and pans in the kitchen so he can bang them together and create a ruckus. He's also learned how to open the front door (when it's unlocked of course) so he can peep outside at the dogwalkers. With opening, he's also learned its opposite - closing. A few times on his poor appendages. I once was talking on the phone and heard whining coming from the bathroom. Sure enough, he had closed the door and shut himself inside. Quite amusing.


Eliisa said...

Dude, I think I've used the exact same phrase to describe Yo Gabba Gabba. Sebastian loves it too.

Oh, and it seems that Nate gave Sebastian some pointers on Tuesday, because the kid is walking EVERYWHERE now. Crazy!

Roadblocks and Roller Coasters said...

I'm definitely with you on Yo Gabba Gabba. Lemy adores that show and to be fair, it's one of the few things we can watch and dance to together. :)

I'm also with you on the waking up as Lemy is up about 2-3 times per night and I'm just done. I hate CIO but I think it's our choice. Good luck and keep us posted on your progress.

Fertilized said...

What wonderful things Nate can do! MT also waves bye bye backwards to himself.

YES for the tripping on acid while watching YGG!

Good Luck and keep up the good work

familyfeedingdynamics said...

Hi- Sounds like you have one special little guy there! Your blog popped up with my google alerts on picky eating. Sounds like things are getting a little tricky. I was a family doctor, had feeding concerns with my own daughter,got educated for her sake and my sanity, and now work as a feeding coach. What you are describing sounds really normal (and frustrating!) but can get worse. Check out Child of Mine, by my mentor Ellyn Satter (the expert in childhood feeding according to the american dietetics association.) Also, I blog about feeding and my 3 year old if you're interested. Good for you for breastfeeding, and I hope some information and reassurance will help keep you and your son feeding and eating happily! (I also saw your note about anxiety, my "motto" is "taking anxiety and conflict off the table!) Good luck

Fiddle1 said...

Have you considered talking about the car experience and your reaction to it to a counselor? I think the guilt is very normal, but the anxiety may not be. There will be many ways in which you will make mistakes, some of them big, so tools (outside of medication..which isn't an option now for you) in helping to give yourself a break ultimately is good for Nate. I speak only from experience on this as I suffered from extreme anxiety with issues over my daughter..and ultimately I came to the realization that I wasn't helping her by being so anxious to be perfect..that I could not control everything (or really anything). when I realized that, a huge weight lifted off me and I enjoyed mothering her so much more. It made me a better mom. You might think this is crazy, but in a way, I think Nate chose you as his he knows you are flawed and things like this will happen. He loves you so much. And to be sure, if he was in any serious danger, you would not have thought twice about smashing that window. So you did everything right, Kristin. You are a wonderful mom!

Fiddle1 said...

Sorry, I meant Kristen!

Rachel said...

I just read your last post and through I'd respond here. You did everything correctly in a terrifying situation, and I really hope that the fear/panic will fade with time.

When we were on vacation 2 weeks ago we were driving to the beach when the fusspot got hungry. My husband kindly offered to run in and grab us cool drinks while I fed the baby. It wasn't until after I'd hoped in the backseat and closed the door to feed her that I remembered child locks, and in the few minutes it took for someone to walk past and notice me (semi-dressed and dripping with sweat) pounding on the door to release us. Of course, I never even thought about climbing into the front seat and just opening a car door myself. Just sat in the backseat of the car with a very hot, hungry, sweaty baby hoping someone would walk by. We all do these things, and it seems like your response was quite speedy and appropriate - not that that helps with the panic at all (I -knew- my husband would be back in a few minutes but that made me no calmer as I tried to guess the temperature and how long till the fusspot and I would pass out).