CD 33. I tested with a cheapie Aimstick. Got the most beautiful evap you've ever laid eyes on. Confirmed when Answer test came revealed a singular pink line. Enter string symphony.
I have no right to be upset. I have a beautiful boy playing at my feet to ease the pain. For that I am eternally grateful. But I feel stupid. Stupid. Stoopid.
After more than two years of this very same disappointment, I should have known better. Did I really think that giving birth would somehow hit the reset button on my reproductive system? Was I so naive to believe that a couple of pregnancy dreams would really set the stage for reality? And most importantly, did I honestly think that we'd be so lucky as to conceive on the first month of trying? Sure, it could happen and does happen to some. But I am not some. I am undeniably different. And odds are, I will never be the urban legend.
My cycles have always been irregular and will inevitably remain so. By not temping this month, I'm in complete disarray - not knowing if I've ovulated at all. I'm just waiting, perplexed. I hate lacking knowledge. Lacking control. I feel helpess. There's nothing I can do. I'm in limbo until my dear aunt decides to appease me.
I have to face facts and stop allowing hope to upstage reason. I've been here before. But how quickly we forget.
Friday, September 25, 2009
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9 comments:
((many hugs))
I'm sorry. :( That's pretty much one of the huge (and many) reasons I'm so reluctant to even try for a #2 through biological means. I do NOT want to deal with that shit again. I feel like we got DAMN lucky.
Awww, sucky. I'm sorry.
It seems impossible not to hope even after all you've been through. I had myself convinced that I was pregnant again simply because I still haven't gotten my PPAF. I was CONVINCED I was having pregnancy symptoms. And although it would be horrible timing for us emotionally, and financially, I couldn't help but hope and feel that hope crashing down when the pee stick was negative. I guess old habits die hard.
Here's hoping AF takes pity and just arrives now to get it over with so you can move forward.
I hear you. Even though we aren't trying, I still hope every month. And every month I feel like more and more of an idiot...
good luck
Hang in there- I know it can be infuriating.
Hope was what brought you your sweet little man and what will surely bring your next little bundle :) ~Many hugs~
Yeah.
It sucks.
Right there with you.
Again.
At least we are not alone.
I'm sorry.
i am sorry
I am so sorry, K. I feel for you because I deal with thoughts circling the drain of my infertility dark hole every day. My baby isn't even barely 1/2 a year old and I cannot stop thinking about it.
You're in my heart today.
*hugs*
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