Colic Sucks

It's 11pm. Do you know where your kid is?

My boy is in my husband's arms screaming his head off. Tomato face and all. This happens almost every evening between the hours of 8pm and 11pm. Sometimes a tad earlier or a tad later but always the same scenario.

He's been fed. He's been changed. He's been played with. He's been walked around and bounced. We've played music and turned the lights down low. We've put him in his swing. We've cuddled. We have exhausted almost all of our standbys to no avail. Putting him on the boob does tend to work but it also makes him spit up profusely, as he isn't really hungry but inevitably swallows the unwanted milk. I'm not sure if he just gets overtired or overstimulated or if it is true colic. Whatever it is - it stinks. I feel so helpless as Nate cries and there is nothing I can do to soothe him.

DH is losing patience. Fast. But he refuses to hand him over to me for help. He insists that the baby wants me, even though I assure him he would cry just as much in my arms. I know deep down inside, he'd probably cry a little less. But that's just because I'm the mommy. Mommies have that intuition. That instinct. Or in my case, they develop it as they get to know their little one. We can make things better. We're boo-boo fixers.

Of course, Nate prefers me slightly at this point. (1) I'm his food source. (2) I'm the one who has been home all day with him for the past 7 weeks. The only time I've left him is for an hour to get my hair cut while DH babysat (and believe me, I was dying to get out of the salon the minute I walked in).

DH, on the other hand, only had a week of paternity leave before returning back to work. He was supposed to have 2 weeks off but his work requested he return early. Yes, they are asshats but I have a whole 'nother post in the works about that. He works close to 50-60 hours a week, including some nights and weekends. He also cooks dinner every night for us after his 9am-6pm schedule. He's exhausted in the evenings and wants to unwind by working out, watching a movie, playing a video game or listening to some music. So, I take the baby and give him the R&R I know he needs. On weekends, he is the fundamental family man but it is really the only time he has one-on-one with Nate. At least when Nate is in a good or semi-good mood.

I want them to bond. But it is hard when the baby is crying and I can see the frustration written all over DH's face. My first instinct is to swoop in and take over. But I have to step back and I have to let DH learn for himself. I have to let him be the daddy. Even when he is obviously screwing things up (i.e. pouring water in the baby's eye during bathtime), I try not to nag. I've had to let the little stuff slide and realize that he is trying. It may not be up to my "standards" and I may not always agree with what he's doing (i.e. not using wipes after a pee) but I have to let him do it. I can offer suggestions or recommend things that have worked for me (i.e. "Have you tried holding him chest-to-chest? That seemed to help last time.") but that's as far as I can go. And it's not easy. But I realize Nate needs to be able to rely on and trust his father. He won't be able to do that if I'm always controlling everything.

It's funny how before Nate came along, I was the impatient one and DH was always the calm, cool and collected one. My how the roles have changed. It's like giving birth tamed me. Not that I have infinite patience but it certainly takes a lot to really upset me. I can take a lot of crying, screaming, fussing, etc. before it really gets to me. DH on the other hand can only take a few minutes before he starts to lose it.

Ahh, the sweet sound of peace. The boy is finally down. Only took an hour this go round. And DH has just breathed a sigh of relief. A much needed confidence/ego boost. There's another colic slayer in town.