Lonely So Lonely

DH's aunt passed away Thursday from lung cancer. We knew it was coming since she had been in grave condition for some time. But when we heard the news, it was still a surprise. Funny how that happens.

He flew out to Atlanta yesterday afternoon for the viewing, to be held tonight. He'll fly back tomorrow. I opted to stay at home with the boy - going on a plane with an infant, my infant, is beyond mind boggling to me - but sent my condolences.

So now I find myself quite lonely. Sure, DH pissed me off by playing video games for his final hours at home rather than cleaning the dirty dishes in the sink or taking out the trash. But I still miss the lovable ass.

Instead of going to the pumpkin patch like we had planned, I'm currently drinking a milkshake and subjecting Nate to Sex and The City reruns OnDemand. I've been too couped up recently, working from home. It is not as relaxing as one would think. I go stir crazy when I can only see sunlight through the slats of our Venetian blinds. I need to get out of the house and take in some fresh air. The brisk October weather would be a perfect retreat from the incendiary boredom.

At 12 weeks (!) Nate seems to be going through yet another growth spurt. He's been permanently attached to my boob for two days now, eating like a starving orphan. And on the rare instance that he isn't on the boob, he is chomping on his hands. Hasn't quite mastered the art of the thumb but instead gags himself with his entire fist. I often mistake this for a hunger cue and am quick to whip out the boob, but there are times he will act silly - smacking, unlatching, storing milk in his cheeks like a chipmunk until it all dribbles out of his mouth onto my side - and I know it's just his sucking reflex in full swing. He can't seem to soothe himself unless something is in his mouth but he's so stubborn that he will only accept a paci as an act of desperation. On the instances that he concedes to a paci, I've noticed a pattern. He'll suck quietly and gently for a few minutes and gradually get louder and angrier - grunting with every thrust of the tongue - until he becomes downright belligerent. I have tried two different types - the Soothie and Ortho-Pro - and while he prefers the Soothie, he's not really a fan of either. See for yourself:

I bought some Gerber Natural Flex pacis on a whim at BRU but when I came home and did some research, I found they possibly contained BPA. So, those were a complete waste of $5. I could have had a foot-long Cold Cut Trio from Subway, dammit. I hate the fact that I have to worry about toxic chemicals in baby products but that is an entire post in itself.

And Nate's been much more clingy than usual. He'll only tolerate being put down for about 5 minutes before the crank-fest kicks off and I can only keep him in his miracle swing if he is clearly about to doze off. Proof is in the pudding:

1 minute

3 minutes

5 minutes

He insists I spend the entire day standing or walking while bouncing him. Not that he cares if his limp 14 lb. body cuts off all circulation in Mommy's arms. Or if my knees buckle from under me due to sheer exhaustion.

He's also back in the habit of fighting sleep. But this time - instead of fighting bedtime - he's fighting his daytime naps. He'll yawn relentlessly and he can barely keep his rosy eyelids from closing, but he'll pout and cry until he's nearly unconscious. And when he wakes up from his coma, he does it with a vengeance. He's sure to let me know he's in need of some lunch and some afternoon delight cuddles.

I have to admit that while I miss the adult interaction and despite his recent cantankerousness , I am fond of our time together alone. Just us. Every smile reminds me that I'm doing something right. Each day we get through, I gain more confidence that maybe I'm not so clueless at this whole motherhood thing.