One Instance Where I Love Being Wrong

I want to thank all of you for your well wishes, thoughts and/or prayers. It seems to have paid off.

I DO NOT have a uterine prolapse. All of my pelvic organs are intact. That sound you hear is me exhaling with relief. The nightmares of surgery, pessaries and hysterectomy that beleaguered me for approximately 28 hours can now subside.

However, I DO DID have a ton of scar tissue built up in my love cavern. No wonder Vadge was so perturbed.

The doctor first tried to cauterize the tissue. Yes, you heard right. That means he burned my girly bits with a device that resembled a large matchstick. Upon further examination - and perhaps the influence of a grown woman brought to tears - he decided that the cauterization probably wouldn't be a permanent fix. So, he gave me local anesthesia - yes, a needle in the hoohaa - and cut it out.

Can you tell it was a fun day?

The kicker was that my DH had to work, as did my mom, so I had to bring Nate solo. He wouldn't sit in his carseat without crying incessantly so I had to hold him on my chest while I lay spreadeagle on the exam table in purgatory, grimacing. I tried to hide my excruciating expressions from him but I've always been a pretty bad liar. Apprehension was written all over Nate's little face.

These are the days of my life, I lamented. Tuesday, I watched helplessly as my little guy got his first round of shots and now on Friday, the tables were turned and he got to watch Mommy suffer from the sidelines.

I feel like I've given birth all over again. I had to take two Tylenol 3's just to be able to sit on my a$$ without jumping out of my skin. I'm sore and bleeding a shade of mauve that would be somewhat pretty if I was ignorant to its origin. I'm back to spraying Dermoplast on myself in order to pee comfortably. The cauterized tissue even leaves behind an odd smell, not unlike that of lochia after delivery. It exhausts me just to recount this experience.

All this just to be able to have sex again. It had better be worth it. With the way I feel right now, I'd be perfectly content if no one touched me down there ever again.

I'm seriously considering a scheduled c-section if we happen to be blessed with another baby. I know it sounds like I have a flair for the dramatic and maybe I am underestimating the whole 'major abdominal surgery' aspect. But I am dead serious. I think the recovery period would be about the same, since it is now 11 weeks PP and I'm still dealing with issues down below. And it looks like I have at least another week before I heal from this most recent debacle. I'm sure I would have been able to DTD by now if I had a c-section. Life would probably be back to normal. Well, as close to normal as you can get with a newborn.

I never expected postpartum to be a breeze but this has really caught me off guard. They certainly didn't prepare me for this in my childbirth class. As a matter of fact, I think a partial refund is in order.