Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The Greatest Show on Earth

Step right up, folks. Don't be shy. You will not believe your eyes. See sights beyond your wildest imagination. Grab your inflatable novelties and a bucket of popcorn as you take your front row seat to the greatest show on earth.

There are no elephants or white tigers at this performance. No motorcycle cage riders. Think Cirque du Soleil: The Breastfeeding Saga.

Watch my son defy gravity and logic as he contorts his body around my bosom into unthinkable positions. His aerial stunts will leave you spellbound, your mouth gaping with wonder and amazement. How is it possible that one could eat comfortably while simultaneously writhing into a downward facing dog stance? Have I been fooled into believing the coveted peacefulness at night is instead spent studying advanced yoga postures? More importantly, how can a human nipple be stretched and twisted to infinite proportions and not snap clean off?

It's a bit redundant to state there's lots of action going on under this Big Top.

Nursing has become quite the acrobatic feat these days. Ever since Nate learned how to crawl/pull up/cruise, he's been too lively to hunker down and eat a meal. To his defense, who can be bothered with sustenance when there is so much to observe? So many exotic places to travel? The cradle position is much too restrictive.

What started off as endearingly comical is now dreadfully aggravating. Especially at 3am when my motor functions are greatly delayed. I'm surprised he hasn't yet vaulted himself to the opposite end of the room. At this point, nothing short of a straight jacket can save us.

Will I be able to continue the juggling sideshow act? Stay tuned.


Fertilized said...

Oh man, how frustrating

Rachel said...

Yet one more reason I'm in no rush to promote my fusspot's mobility. She already kindly pulls up my shirt just in case it wasn't obvious what we're up to when we're out and about.

artblog06 said...

oooer, nice image there! Good luck with it all :) xxx

Elise said...

Mine performs these feats as well, at 6 months. It used to take 15 minutes to nurse him; now we're looking at 30-45 because he is so distractible and cannot stay still or focused enough to concentrate on eating. All part of growing up, I suppose!

Mel said...

This is hilarious. L loves looking around the room while nursing all of the sudden and it's driving me crazy because she seems so much more interested in "stuff" than eating. UGH!